Tony the Turtle
by Sakah
Summary: What is wrong with this malicious turtle that Alice brought home that causes the Cullen family nothing but trouble? One shot.


"Look what I brought home!" Alice trilled, waving a small turtle in her hands above her head.

"A snack?" Jasper asked, wrinkling his nose.

"No, silly! I was driving my way home from the store when I found this little turtle on the side of the road. Poor thing, left out there all alone. It had a note taped to its shell." She handed him a mud crusted note.

"Do not keep as a pet. Bad things will happen. You have been warned," Jasper read the note, mystified. "What kind of idiot wrote this?" He asked, handing the note back to Alice.

"Probably some paranoid parents that thought their child were allergic to this turtle." She rolled her eyes. She set him on the wooden floor and stared at it with critical eyes. The turtle poked its head out and after making sure the coast was clear, clumsily ran away from Alice and towards the back door. Without a warning, its escape was thwarted as she picked it back up.

"His name is Tony." She said with satisfaction. "Watch him for a moment, will you Jasper?" She asked, searching through the kitchen for a fish bowl without listening to Jasper's answer. She dug through multiple cupboards and finally found a large fish bowl when she heard a scream and a –CRASH- come from the living room. She dashed back to the living room with the fish bowl in her arms. Jasper was stuck half way through a large window; his legs stuck out awkwardly in the inside of the house. Alice set the fish bowl on the floor and glided to the back yard.

"Alice.." Jasper whispered in pain as she carefully pulled him out of the window.

"What's wrong with you Jasper? It's not like you to pull a Bella." She teased.

"I turned my back from _Tony_," he sneered. "And the next thing I knew, I was stuck in that freaking window!" he shouted, pointing at clueless Tony. They walked back inside the living room, brushing off bits of glass off of their clothes.

"There's no need to blame your clumsy accidents on poor, innocent Tony here." She defended him, holding Tony close to her. Tony glared at Jasper with a malicious gaze in his tiny, glittering eyes.

"Just keep him away from me, please." He slowly backed away and returned to his room.

"What has gotten into Jasper?" Alice mumbled, absentmindedly stroked Tony's shell as she put him into the fish bowl. Their elegant door bell rang, alerting Alice to the door. It was Emmett, Edward, and Carlisle, back from their recent hunt. "Meet my new turtle, Tony." Alice squealed.

"I don't see any turtles." Emmett noted, peering at Alice like she was insane. She turned around with a frown and gasped-Tony was gone!

"Geez you guys, let's look for him, then!" She said impatiently. Before they could start their search party, the door bell rang again.

"Hello Edward, Carlisle, Alice, and Emmett." Bella greeted cheerfully.

"Bella, there's a new Muse cd that just came out that I want you to listen to." Edward said, grabbing Bella's hand to lead her to his room.

"Okay, the rest of you, start searching in the back yard." Alice commanded. Emmett and Carlisle rolled their eyes when she wasn't looking and followed her outside. Alice searched through the biggest bushes first when she heard another scream from the house.

"What are Edward and Bella up to this time?" She muttered to herself angrily, stomping back inside the house to Edward's room. An odd sight met Alice's disbelieving eyes when she reached his room. Edward's entire room was painted various shades of _pink_ and his furniture was replaced with frilly, 18th century styled furniture that was fit for a queen. A crude painting of Edward (at least, the reddish brown scribble on the stick figure's head _had_ to be Edward) in a tutu on the ceiling had a speech bubble next to it. It said '**I'm a fairy princess that sparkles**!' Alice looked back at Edward. If he could cry, he looked like he _would_ cry as he studied the replaced cds in his shelves.

"Hannah Montana?" He cried out in disgust. "Hilary Duff? 70s _disco_ music?" Alice gulped. She knew how much he hated 70s music and recent pop singers with a passion. She tried to detect a scent that was out of the ordinary but she could only smell Tony, hiding behind the couch.

"Tony! I found you!" Alice hugged Tony.

"Who could've been in your room, Edward?" Bella asked. Edward dropped the cds and ogled at Tony with dislike.

"That stupid turtle had something to do with it." He surveyed Tony as if he was thinking about the best way to torture him. Alice fiercely held Tony closer to her chest.

"As I've said before, Tony had _nothing_ to do with messing up your room! Sniff your heart away, nothing else entered your room!" Alice shouted. Edward tasted the air; she was right. The only unusual scent was the scent of that stinking _beast_.

"Keep him out of my room." Edward warned, closing the door in Alice's face. Alice stomped down the stairs with a disgruntled expression on her face.

"There's something _wrong_ with Edward and Jasper today, and they have to keep rambling on about how it was a _turtle's_ fault that their luck sucks today…" Alice grumbled under her breath. Once she reached the living room, she placed Tony in the fish bowl and put it on the table.

"Make sure Tony stays in his bowl, I'm off to buy turtle food for him." She growled to Emmett and Carlisle. She walked out of the door; climbed inside her yellow Porsche, turned the ignition, and drove to the market. She found a big bag of turtle food and the proper equipment for turtle owners. As she was purchasing her finds, her sensitive ears caught a suspicious conversation across the store.

"Did you hear about that _turtle_?" a male voice asked.

"Yup, I heard that all this weird stuff started to happen when its owners turned their backs on it. Didn't they leave it on the side of the road?" a female voice replied.

"Yeah, I feel bad for the next suckers that keep him." The male voice said. Alice finally noticed the cashier handing her a bag and collected the change on the way out. _Ridiculous, ridiculous, ridiculous_! She repeated this mantra in her head as she revved her Porsche's engine. An angry mob of the Cullens (and Bella) met her before she got out of the car.

"What did Tony supposedly do _this_ time?" She challenged. A squabble broke out among them.

"My tools are missing!" Carlisle said. "My hair is cut!" Bella shrieked, clutching her now short locks.

"And Jasper's stuck in a _window_ in his room!" Emmett was the only one who looked amused at this piece of news.

"Okay, whoever you are," Alice trembled with anger, speaking to the forest. "Cut the act and show yourself!" A slight wind that ruffled the top of the forest was her only response.

"Tony's gone," Carlisle replied. "I _just_ searched the whole house for him, and he's gone." The rest of the Cullens and Bella rejoiced at this.

"The next time I see him, I'm making a turtle stew out of him." Bella muttered as they all trudged back into the house. Not too far away in the bushes, were Aro, Caius, and Marcus giggling as Tony crawled back to them.

"This is simply _much_ more civilized _and_ fun, messing with their minds like this instead of fighting them_." Aro giggled._


End file.
